Still Alive
by Tadpole24
Summary: Losing her light feels like winter. Losing the darkness is like the sunlight flaming under her skin. It doesn't burn or ignite, but crashes over her like a glowing wave of liquid gold. Captain Swan, before and after Emma's curse. Based on filming spoilers for 5x10.


_**There have been so many spoilers in the last couple of days and I don't know what my emotions are doing and this kind of just happened. Spoilers for 5A. Do not read if you do not want to know upcoming details of the show.**_

…

Still Alive

…

 _If you'd only hold on,  
There's no way I will let go.  
You can start again._

 _Red Lights – Vib Gyor_

.

Losing her light feels like winter, but not in the desperately freezing way where you only want warmth; more in a way that has her clinging to the frost with welcoming hands, relishing in the feel of the ice hitting her too hot cheeks. She leans into it, letting the cold seduce her, letting it kiss her lips with darkness and power.

"Emma!" comes the first shout and she always knew it would be him, "Emma, you can stop this."

She wants to laugh, of _course_ she can stop this. She can stop it any time she pleases. But there is a difference between having the ability and choosing to use it.

Swiping a hand through the air, she calls a halt to his speech, turning away from her towering swirl of cursed darkness to face him briefly. He's watching her with fear in his eyes and it only solidifies everything that she is doing. He promised her to always love her, to always stand by her side. Now all he is is afraid of her.

And she doesn't have time for this.

She waves a hand and he can speak again, but she places him behind a magical barrier, protecting herself from his need to try and stop her.

"Please, think about what you're doing! It's not you! It's him."

But it's not _him_ , as he puts it. It hasn't been Rumpelstiltskin in a while. Not since she accepted her fate, walked toward it with her head held high. This is her choice, her power to wield, her curse to enact.

Her hands shimmer before her like icicles in the sunlight, a mark of the creature who lies beneath her skin, and she tilts them upwards, controlling the dark tendrils of her magic.

"Emma, please!" come his shouts again and again, but it only fuels her anger, the burning rage that comes with always having to put someone else before herself, with constantly having to live up to someone else's expectations.

No more.

This is who she is now. This is what she has chosen.

Paying no regard to the pirate as he calls out for her to cease, she steps over the unconscious bodies of the townsfolk on the diner floor, bending to pull her dagger from Regina's limp hand. What a mistake that endeavour had been. She did not need someone to control her, to make her choices for her when they all became too frightened to deal with her new power.

No. This dagger is hers and hers alone to hold.

She feels a shiver run down her spine as she clings to her life force, turning to face the darkness descending upon them. In those final moments before the curse hits she turns, in a moment of weakness, to cast her gaze once more upon Killian Jones. The desperation in his eyes threatens to pull her in but she leans back, letting the last of Emma Swan fade from her body and allowing the cold to take her hand and lead her to a place of glory.

…

The blade feels light in his hand, as though it was always meant to be there. He remembers Emma's words to him about muscle memory and wonders if he was always destined to hold this sword; if, perhaps, he already had in another life. It's as though warmth shoots through him as the blade glides through the air, humming at being complete once more. His name and hers engraved and immortal, together.

But the moment he understands what it means to hold Excalibur before the Dark One, the moment he feels the solid weight of it in his palm.

"No," he says simply, eyeing Regina as though she's gone insane.

"Killian," comes another voice from the corner of the room, Belle stepping out from behind the former Evil Queen, "I wouldn't wish your part in this upon my worst enemy but you must trust your love. Trust that you can do this."

He looks at his friend, this petite person with the largest heart, who looks at him with kind eyes despite their history. How she can look at him and see anything but a monster, he'll never know. "I don't want to hurt her."

She takes his hook in her hand, "She wanted you to save her. This is the only way."

He glances around the room, all the faces looking back at him with a kind of reverence in their gazes. He's never been on the receiving end of something so humbling and it takes him a moment to regain use of his voice, his tone hushed and broken, "If I lose her…"

There's a clap of a hand on his shoulder and he looks up to see David standing beside him, a grim look on his face, but a firm nod to offer, "You won't lose her, just as she won't lose you."

Killian wishes he had the words to express what David's faith means to him but, instead, he offers an answering nod before stepping away from the group. He needs to breathe for a moment before he meets with her.

…

"You know you can just summon me like everyone else does?" she asks with a roll of her eyes as she walks towards him by the docks. "You have the dagger. You have complete control of me."

He shakes his head, "I don't wish to control you."

She seems bored by his morality, "Then what _do_ you want, pirate?"

Trying not to let her words sting, he takes a step towards her, "I want my Emma back."

Again, she rolls her eyes, " _Your_ Emma was weak and vulnerable. You don't want her. You pity her."

"Is that truly what you think?"

"How could it be anything else? How could anybody find love in their hearts for a person like her?"

"You don't find love like that. It simply exists. It seeks you out when you don't even realise until you're completely lost to it and never wanting to be anywhere else."

Something in her gaze softens for a fraction of a second and he prays to the gods above him that he won't have to follow through on the plan. Everything in their research says that this will work, but there is a difference between reading about something and actually doing it.

If she could just beat the darkness…

But, alas, her expression hardens moments later, her head shaking, "Goodbye, pirate."

His heart shatters in his chest at her coldness and he brings the sword up without thinking. "Goodbye, Dark One," he answers, focusing on the look of recognition in her eyes as the blade runs her through, her magic no match for the power of her cursed dagger created to control her.

…

Losing the darkness is like the sunlight flaming under her skin. It doesn't burn or ignite, but crashes over her like a glowing wave of liquid gold. Pain blossoms in her abdomen, but all she can feel is the cold leaving her as she collapses to the ground, blissfully unaware of the circumstances of her being free of the Dark One.

The first solid thing she feels are his arms around her, his chest at her side, his breath in her hair. The first thing she hears are his words, a whispered mantra of, "I love you, I love you, I love you. Please. Emma. I love you."

She wants to reach out to him, to tell him she loves him too, but it hurts. She doesn't know what or why or how. But, where it had been blissful a moment ago, everything hurts. And she is scared.

"I don't want it to come back," she murmurs against his chest, "I don't want it. I can't…Killian, please."

He looks down at her with worried eyes and she wonders if he knows how much blood she's losing because her heart is pounding, everything is screaming out to her in agony and she is horribly aware of the hole in her side. "Killian," she whispers again, a plea.

This time he leans in, "Darling, I love you."

And she wonders why.

"Not after… You can't."

"But I do."

"You said…"

"I loved _you_ ," he finishes for her. "You, Emma Swan. Always you."

Something in her breaks and it's been so long since she's been allowed to kiss him, so she does, feeling another kind of warmth take over her body this time, a kind of magical heat that she has only felt once before.

True Love.

It rolls through her like a lazy Sunday morning, pinpricks of heat sparking along her body and pulsing outwards. Her wound heals and she feels Killian sigh in relief before opening his mouth under hers and deepening their embrace.

Slowly, the cheers begin to ring out as various townsfolk remember things they had once thought forever forgotten. But Killian only pulls Emma closer to him, silently vowing to never let her go again.

She opens her eyes to see the last of the darkness swirling into nothingness, the curse of the Dark One finally broken with the dagger once more attached to Excalibur. "I love you," Killian kisses into her cheek, as though he can't get enough of saying it.

She smiles for the first time in weeks, a genuine smile that sparks hope in his heart. "I love you too," she answers, the words settling deep within her bones and pushing the last of the darkness out, welcoming a never ending summer into her life.

…

 _ **Thoughts?**_


End file.
